Music to his ears - NOT! Schaeffer (r.) tells KCAW host Ted Howard that his wife isn't all that into mandolin after all. (KCAW photo/Robert Woolsey)

Music to his ears – NOT! Schaeffer (r.) tells KCAW host Ted Howard that his wife isn’t really into mandolin after all. (KCAW photo/Robert Woolsey)

Well, it’s April 1st, which means that KCAW’s post-graduate news fellow, Brielle Schaeffer, wraps up her work at Raven Radio next month.

Schaeffer began her career as print reporter in Southcentral Alaska, and later spent four years newspapering in Wyoming. Her nine-month fellowship at KCAW was intended to give her the chops she needed for broadcast journalism, but she’s decided to put her melodious voice towards a new career.

KCAW news director Robert Woolsey explains.

Downloadable audio.

She’s calling her new business…

Say It Better With Brielle.

Since the day she arrived at KCAW, people in Sitka and around the state have been asking Schaeffer to say things that they’d really rather not say themselves.

She got her toehold in the business with the obvious: breakups. When you’ve got to let someone go, you can try to explain your feelings, maybe throw a few family heirlooms and walk out, or give Brielle your credit card number and let her say it better.

I really don’t think things have been working out, Tom. It’s been great getting to know you, but I think we both should be moving on.

CableHouseRainbow_NEWS_TAG3_smYou may not even know you’ve been dumped until months later!

For those who don’t get the message the first time, Schaeffer offers enhanced phrasing that gets to the point with as little suffering as possible.

Darling, your snoring is unbearable. Would you mind finding another place to live?

Schaeffer says that she considered breakups to be strictly a sideline to journalism. It wasn’t until City Hall came knocking that she realized the full commercial potential of her silken voice.

Sitka’s bottom line turned from red to black ink when lapsed customers heard Brielle say it better.

Your sales tax return is overdue! Is there a convenient time when we can sell your belongings at auction?

Private sector opportunities crowded in next. Schaeffer could not print business cards fast enough after a flight attendant brokered this quick deal on a packed Alaska Airlines jet.

I’m sure there’s a more comfortable seat for you and your adorable crying baby at the rear, or better still, on another aircraft.

With the summer salmon troll season not far away, she rolled out this beauty for women who find themselves pinned in a booth some Saturday night in Sitka’s famed Pioneer Bar.

I’d really love to work as your deckhand during the next opener, but I promised Ban Ki-Moon I’d bring world peace first.

Schaeffer has already opened offices in New York, London, and Tokyo. Her work has been actively sought by everyone from political candidates to diplomats. But no matter how far afield she travels, Schaeffer says her heart will remain in Sitka, where she honed her craft.

Rob, I’ve learned so much from you and I look forward to being promoted to news director.

Told you! She’s that good. Schaeffer’s fellowship in the KCAW newsroom ends in May. You can learn more about her services, and place an order at